It took me a lot of years, but I finally discovered that variety is truly the spice of life. Sandy and I were at Capone’s, and Derek was explaining an exotically disgusting mixed drink that had “Girl Scout” in the name. We went with Dos Equis instead. Then Jorge handed us menus, and we were trying to decide what to get on our pizza when Derek said…
DEREK: Why do you order pizza every time?
SANDY: Because it’s always good?
DEREK: That’s one reason, but why don’t you mix it up a bit?
CAP’N GREG: What else you got?
DEREK: Disco fish.
CAP’N GREG: Sounds like a rock band.
DEREK: Nope. For five bucks you get a whole deep-fried fish. Still has the head on it.
CAP’N GREG: What if I’d rather not eat something that’s looking back at me?
JORGE: Then try our fish tacos. Three for five.
SANDY: I’m about taco-ed out this week.
DEREK: Our fish ‘n’ chips are excellent.
SANDY: Is that big pieces?
JORGE: No, it’s like fish fingers.
SANDY: Never saw a fish with fingers.
DEREK: Only in the restaurant business. They’re about the same as chicken tenders, except from a different species. They come with either regular or sweet potato curly fries, and two sauce dips. Tartar and shrimp cocktail.
SANDY: Is the shrimp cocktail sauce like the local salsa de camarones?
DEREK: Not exactly. Ours has more of a horseradish kick.
SANDY: I’ll go with the fish ‘n’ chips, and sweet potato fries.
CAP’N GREG: Same for me, but with regular fries.
DEREK: You want to try a Girl Scout with it?
CAP’N GREG: Derek, that is so wrong in so many ways.
Contact Cap’n Greg c/o the Rocky Point Times or email to email@example.com.