Ask Cap’n Greg

May 7, 2014 by Ask Cap'n Greg

Over a couple beers a friend and I were discussing the logistics of opening a fleet of mobile bikini wax trucks, when some guy walked over to our table and said, “Is the food any good here?” That’s about like walking into a Yankee Stadium gift shop and asking, “Do you sell Babe Ruth souvenirs?” Turns out the guy’s name was Randy Foster. He drove down from Omaha to see what an ocean looks like.

 

CAP’N GREG: What kind of food are you looking for?

 

RANDY: Something fast, good and cheap.

 

CAP’N GREG: Tell you what, Randy. I can steer you to a place that’s fast and good, but it won’t be cheap. Or good and cheap, but it won’t be fast. Or fast and cheap but it won’t be good.

 

RANDY: Would you repeat that?

 

CAP’N GREG: No. But I’ll tell you the best way there is to find what you’re looking for.

 

RANDY: And how’s that?

 

CAP’N GREG: Try them all.

 

RANDY: I’m only here three days.

 

CAP’N GREG: So that’s … what? Nine meals? Nine different restaurants. Add midnight snacks and you could do a dozen. You should be able to find at least one you like.

 

RANDY: Don’t you have a favorite?

 

CAP’N GREG: Lots more than one, Randy. How about a pulpo special?

 

RANDY: Pulpo?

 

CAP’N GREG: Octopus.

 

RANDY: Not into that, Cap’n Greg.

 

CAP’N GREG: See? Without knowing your tastes, my suggestion may be the wrong one.

 

RANDY: How about a taco joint?

 

CAP’N GREG: Asada, birria, al pastor, pescado, pollo, camarron or cabeza?

 

RANDY: I don’t need a Spanish lesson, just a taco.

 

CAP’N GREG: Viva Mexico, Anita and Jesus, Mary’s, Flavio’s. Those are four good places for tacos. I could name 20 more, and I love them all. Sometimes it’s as much about the food as it is the people serving you.

 

RANDY: But I’m starving.

 

CAP’N GREG: Why don’t you follow me to Capone’s and we’ll discuss it over a cold drink?

 

RANDY: Capone’s?

 

CAP’N GREG: It’s a pizza joint. But if you take a slice and fold it over, you can pretend it’s a taco.

 

RANDY: Mmmm. A pepperoni taco?I like the way you think, Cap’n Greg.

 

CAP’N GREG: And I like the way you’ll pick up the check, Randy.

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