Ask Cap’n Greg

Apr 1, 2020 by Ask Cap'n Greg

It’s really easy to get overwhelmed by the enormous number of recreational and dining options in Rocky Point. And while some visitors may have “anything goes” attitudes, here are a number of things that are not advisable.

Jet Ski Whale Jumping

While it may sound like an incredibly fun thing to do, running a jet ski at top speed in order to jump a breeching whale is not recommended. The main reason is the blunt force trauma to, and the drowning of, the jet skier. Secondly, harming a whale would not make you very popular with anyone in Peñasco, and at least 99.7% of the planet’s population. So just forget it.

Taking Your Banjo to Manny’s; Going to Mercedes and Not Buying Anything; Doing Backflips Off the BooBar Balcony

No, no, and no way, José.

Parking on the Beach at JJ’s Cantina

There’s a phenomenon that takes place four times a day on the ocean. No, it’s not that guy in the Tommy Bahama shirt trying to sell you a timeshare. It’s the tide. The moon’s mass exerts a gravitational pull on Earth, causing the water levels to flow and ebb, wax and wane, rise and fall. The water comes in. The water goes out. Four times every day. Got it? Good. During super low tides, the beach at JJ’s stretches for half a mile or more. During super high tides, you can almost soak your feet from the patio. The point here is, there might be a beach when you park your new Land Rover on it, and “go have some drinks.” But when you return a few hours later, that Land Rover logo on the hood may be a bit blurry, because you’ll be looking at it through a foot of salt water. Just sayin’.

All-U-Can-Eat Pelican

If you think this is a thing, I urge you to seek professional help. It may not be too late.

Only Two Hot Dogs at Chon’s

Chon’s on Constitution is Sonoran Hot Dog Heaven. The typical order is “dos con todo.” That’s two with everything. Most people order only two of the bacon-wrapped tubes of intense flavor, slathered with mayo, mustard, onions and exotic salsas. However, studies show that too much of a good thing can be extremely enjoyable and lead to a more fulfilling life. So instead of ordering two, go for three. Or four. Tell ’em Cap’n Greg said it’s okay, because he did the studies.

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