Once upon a time, I did everything fast. Especially when it came to getting to Rocky Point. Long before the police in Sonoyta bought their Toys “R” Us radar detectors, I would cross the border at Lukeville, slide a right at what is now the Circle K intersection, and scream down the backstreets to get ahead of 20 or 30 cars, bypassing the city center. Then I’d blast 110 (not kilometers) all the way to Rocky Point. After more than 100 crossings, and after I finally realized how many close calls I had, I decided to slow down and smell las rosas. It is a stone cold miracle I was so lucky all those years to 1) get here safe, and 2) without a single ticket. Bill Miller of Tucson was not so lucky.
BILL: It was a seven hour trip.
CAP’N GREG: Took your time, did you?
BILL: Not exactly. Sideswiped a cow on the reservation near Sells, drove off the road into a prickly pear patch.
CAP’N GREG: That’s open range, you know.
BILL: I know now. Gonna cost plenty to paint the car. Then the Highway Patrol pulled me over at Organ Pipe.
CAP’N GREG: Speed drops to 55 through there.
BILL: Now you tell me. And I spent an hour and 60 bucks at the police station in Sonoyta. Thought I could talk my way out of it.
CAP’N GREG: You speak Spanish?
CAP’N GREG: Wouldn’t have worked if you did.
BILL: Got in town, still pushing it, went airborne on a speed bump on Juarez.
CAP’N GREG: The Peñasco police don’t like that.
BILL: I know. A 40 dollar fine and another hour or so.
CAP’N GREG: Learn anything?
BILL: My rush to get here cost me about a grand, and I lost three hours of fun in the sun.
CAP’N GREG: Think you’ll take it slower next time?
BILL: I’m not in a hurry to spend more money, Cap’n Greg, that’s for sure.
CAP’N GREG: But it’s your turn to buy.
BILL: (RUNS OUT OF THE BAR AS FAST AS HE CAN)