My First Mate says I spend way too much time writing about Chon’s Sonoran hot dogs, Playa Bonita margaritas and UA coeds in bikinis. She thinks this column would be much better received if I wrote about Peñasco’s more important offerings. So, here we go.

FIRST MATE: What is it about ankle bracelets?
CAP’N GREG: Excuse me?
FIRST MATE: The more we women have, the more we want.
CAP’N GREG: Let me see if I understand. We’re talking about your dozens of ankle bracelets, yet you have only two ankles. And you want more?
FIRST MATE: How many red T-shirts are in your dresser drawer?
CAP’N GREG: Um, 10?
FIRST MATE: You have 31 in there. I counted them this morning. 
FIRST MATE: How many captain hats?
CAP’N GREG: Maybe three?
FIRST MATE: Oh, please. You have one or your head 24/7, two on the hat rack and eight in the closet.
CAP’N GREG: I have to be prepared.
FIRST MATE: For what? You re-joining the Navy after 50 years?
CAP’N GREG: Let’s get back to the ankle bracelets. Why so many? 
FIRST MATE: They give me pleasure. They look good. I have a design for every occasion. And vendors have an ever-changing variety that I enjoy pawing through. Even if I don’t buy any, it’s a fun outing for me and Marci.
CAP’N GREG: Is that all?

FIRST MATE: While we are out shopping, you and Tom can go for hot dogs, have a few margaritas and look at women in bikinis until your eyes fall out.
CAP’N GREG: That settles it. Next stop is the Malecon to shop for ankle bracelets.
FIRST MATE: And then to Rodeo Drive?
CAP’N GREG: As long as I can wear my red T-shirt and captain hat, I’ll take you anywhere.

FIRST MATE: Thanks, Cap’n Greg.
CAP’N GREG: Kissy kissy?

FIRST MATE: Don’t push it.