Warm weather is upon us as the hideous 65-degree days of winter turn to 80° and paradise. For the last decade or so, this is the time of year Cap’n Greg gets asked about issues near and dear to his heart. Such as, why do people blame mysterious and evil influences for their own behavior? I have chosen several of my favorites. I hope you like them, too.
JAN FROM TUCSON: I don’t get it. I work so hard. I seldom take time off, but when I do, I go to Rocky Point for a few days to relax. Why is it my head hurts so bad when I wake up every morning?
CAP’N GREG: Do you drink, Jan?
JAN FROM TUCSON: Well, not that much, really. Maybe a Bloody Mary at breakfast. Okay, two. Then there’s the beers while I’m shopping, and a Piña Colada and tacos at lunch. A couple more beers during the heat of the day. A few tequila shots with the girls. Margaritas before dinner, of course. A cocktail, then a nice glass of wine. Or three. And an after-dinner blast to get me in the party mood, and some social sipping until the bars close.
CAP’N GREG: And you wonder why your head hurts in the morning?
JAN FROM TUCSON: Could it be the tacos?
BILL FROM GLENDALE: I am so ticked off.
CAP’N GREG: About what?
BILL FROM GLENDALE: Every time I drive through Sonoyta I get stopped for speeding.
CAP’N GREG: Are you speeding?
BILL FROM GLENDALE: Yeh, but only like 20 or 30 over.
MARY FROM MESA: I get a really bad stomach when I’m here.
CAP’N GREG: What do you eat?
MARY FROM MESA: All good stuff.
CAP’N GREG: Give me an example.
MARY FROM MESA: Oh, I don’t know. Refried beans and chips and salsa and cheese enchiladas and tostadas and Sonoran hot dogs and pizza and sopapillas and shrimp and carne asada and al pastor and rare steak and jalapeño poppers and oysters and ice cream.
CAP’N GREG: You see a problem with any of that?
MARY FROM MESA: Naah. It’s gotta be the water.
CAP’N GREG: Enjoy in moderation, folks. That’s all the advice I can muster without laughing my butt off.