Ask Cap’n Greg

Oct 7, 2015 by Ask Cap'n Greg

That silly Internet. All those so-called “news” items like 7 Things You Should Never Eat, 23 Things You Didn’t Know About Albert Einstein, 4 Cat Videos That Are Cuter Than The Last 4,000 You Saw. Or the ever-popular, Share if you think Miley Cyrus is crazy as an outhouse raccoon. Does anyone at all have a life these days away from their electronic gadgets? A few weeks ago I met Donna Roland from Phoenix. She was having lunch at the table next to mine at Flavio’s, and was upset that the 48 MB photo she just snapped was taking forever to send.

DONNA: This is the slowest WiFi connection ever.
CAP’N GREG: What are you sending?
DONNA: An iPad photo of that pelican over there to my sister in Pensacola.
CAP’N GREG: I hate to break this to you, Donna, but there are pelicans in Florida.
DONNA: This is different. It’s a Mexican pelican.
CAP’N GREG: Like I said, the Gulf of Mexico, where Pensacola is, has a lot of brown pelicans just like this one on the Sea of Cortez.
DONNA: Well, maybe this one has been to Pensacola.
CAP’N GREG: It’s about a 1,700 mile flight, so I seriously doubt it. Maybe you…
DONNA: Hold that thought. I got a text on my phone.
CAP’N GREG: Who is it from?
DONNA: Flash flood warning for Ogallala, Nebraska.
CAP’N GREG: You have family there?
DONNA: No, but I like to stay informed.
CAP’N GREG: Well, maybe you can…
DONNA: Hang on. It’s an iPad FaceTime from my boyfriend. Hi, Chuck. What are you doing? Oh, look, Cap’n Greg. He’s sitting by the pool.
CAP’N GREG: That looks like the pool at Playa Bonita.
DONNA: Yeh. We’re staying there.
CAP’N GREG: So you FaceTime a guy who’s a mile from here?
DONNA: Huge fun, isn’t it?
CAP’N GREG: I’m all a-twitter.
DONNA: See you later, Chuck. What did you say, Cap’n Greg?
CAP’N GREG: I said I’m all a-twitter.
DONNA: Oh! Do you tweet? I got one from Dr. Oz this morning about a new diet pill.
CAP’N GREG: Donna, are you enjoying Rocky Point?
DONNA: It’s a beautiful place, and I … wait, I have a call. Shhh! Oh, hi, Mom. No, I’m at work. Yes, I work some Saturdays, you know that. No, I can’t come over tonight. How about Tuesday? Okay. Did you get that thing taken off your big toe? Yuck! That is awful looking. Okay. I’ll call Tuesday. No, I haven’t seen Chuck in two weeks. Okay. Bye-bye. That was my mom,
CAP’N GREG: I know, Donna. So does everyone in this restaurant. When you get off work, maybe you and Chuck can help take that awful thing off Mom’s big toe.
DONNA: You’re rude, Cap’n Greg.
CAP’N GREG: Yes, I am. And that pelican over there will probably fly to Pensacola to get as far away from you as possible. Maybe you should…
DONNA: Just a sec, Cap’n Greg. I have another text.
CAP’N GREG: Señor camarero! La cuenta, por favor!

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