I have a Tucson friend I met for the first time many, many years ago in Rocky Point. We share a love of boats and beer, and we have had more laughs than any two humans deserve to have. Recently, we were discussing the questionable conduct of some visitors to this fine seaside destination.

CRAIG: Can you imagine ever acting like the kids who come here for spring break?

CAP’N GREG: Outrageous. They drink way too much, use horrible language, and they think it’s perfectly fine to walk around half naked.

CRAIG: I know. I know. What parents would allow their daughters to do that?

CAP’N GREG: Didn’t I see your daughter here a few times?

CRAIG: Well, yeah. But she was mature for her age.

CAP’N GREG: Hmmm. Okay. But how about the young men?

CRAIG: Even worse. Like a bunch of banty roosters fluffing their feathers and puffing up their chests like, “Look at me!” Pathetic, is what it is.

CAP’N GREG: Remember when you had a flat stomach and a full head of hair, and could party all day and all night for a week?

CRAIG: If I think real hard.

CAP’N GREG: And their hip hop music. What is up with that?

CRAIG: Far as I can tell, every song uses the same beat, and about 17 words, all of which make no sense whatsoever.

CAP’N GREG: Kinda like disco?

CRAIG: Pretty close.

CAP’N GREG: I gotta tell ya. The younger generation sure is a mess.

CRAIG: Just plain tragic.

CAP’N GREG: By the way, I really admire your T-shirt. “If it’s too loud, you’re too old!”

CRAIG: Got it at Goodwill for $3.99. I liked the color.

CAP’N GREG: Sooo. You gonna be around for spring break this year?

CRAIG: Wouldn’t miss it for anything.

CAP’N GREG: Even with all that bad behavior?

CRAIG: I figure if I stay close to the action, you know, the dancing and drinking and bikinis and all, I can make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.


CRAIG: You wanna join me?

CAP’N GREG: I thought you’d never ask.