I was sitting on the beach the other day, the cool breeze wafting up from Los Cabos or somewhere, and I felt a tickle in my ear. Pulled out a hair that was two inches long. I’m thinking, if man really did evolve from the apes, and somehow the knuckle walking genes went away, why in the world didn’t the unnecessary hair disappear, too? I mean, opposable thumbs are really cool, but when one of their uses is to yank ear hairs, something just doesn’t add up. Another thing that never made sense to me is how, in Mexico, everyone you ask knows how to do everything.


CAP’N GREG: I need some work done.


LEONARDO: Sure. What would you like?


CAP’N GREG: Wash my car?


LEONARDO: I can do that.


CAP’N GREG: How much?


LEONARDO: Ten bucks. That okay?


CAP’N GREG: You gonna wax it, too?


LEONARDO: Of course. You want a tune-up?


CAP’N GREG: Like what? Plugs and stuff?


LEONARDO: Tire rotation, fix windshield cracks, polish headlight lenses.


CAP’N GREG: For ten bucks?


LEONARDO: Maybe a little more. All one price.


CAP’N GREG: How much more?


LEONARDO: Not much. Good price. Almost free. Need anything painted? Drywall? Tile? Wiring? Masonry?


CAP’N GREG: Wait. You do all that?


LEONARDO: Sure. Guaranteed.


CAP’N GREG: Where did you learn to do this stuff?


LEONARDO: How do you say? On-the-job training?


CAP’N GREG: So you never did it before?


LEONARDO: Not until now.


CAP’N GREG: Huh. Maybe we should stick to the car wash.


LEONARDO: No problem. Ten dollars. You have a hose and bucket?


CAP’N GREG: You don’t have those things?


LEONARDO: With ten dollars, I will buy some.


CAP’N GREG: I’m sure you will, my friend